Today is 4285 days of being on dialysis. In that time I can safely say I have said goodbye to 4 members of my family, at least 200 friends who have died while on dialysis or post transplant. I have waited over 3467 days on the transplant wait list. I have made at least 4500 calls in regards to my own health, patient advocacy, CKD or mentoring. I've exchanged approximately 15,000 emails for the same things.
In those 4285 days of dialysis I have had five (5) episodes of MRSA Sepsis (blood infections), 11 fistulas or grafts, 2 dozen chest catheters, several groin catheters and neck catheters. I've had close to 20 surgeries including both kidneys removed. I have been involuntarily discharged from a clinic and doctor and plummeted to the depths of despair on more than one occasion. I have suffered injuries and chronic pain that will never go away. I have learned new ways of coping. I have cried countless times. I have tried to mentor others through their own journeys in CKD, ESRD and choices they face.
Today, in this moment I am still alive. In those 4285 days of dialysis I have laughed at least once every day. I have given and received at least 9,000 hugs. I have smiled countless times and expressed happiness, hope and gratitude in spite of tragedy, disappointment and failure. I have traveled to Georgia, Alabama, North Carolina, Tennessee, Minnesota and have great hopes of traveling again and further. In this moment I am still alive. I have hopes, dreams and worries. But for today I still live.
Do you?
http://www.last.fm/music/Matthew+Perryman+Jones/_/Homage+for+the+Suffering
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