For those who know me I ask alot of questions regarding my health.  I do alot of research, reading in an attempt to self-educate.

Moving on regarding hospital stay. 

I was then taken to the surgical/procedure room.  They call it angio.  I am asked to move over to a sliver of a bed.  I'm not skinny, but I'm not 400 lbs either.  Its hard steel and as uncomfortable as can be.  My back hurts.  I am still fighting the tears as I try to scratch up some type of option for my future.  No one speaks to me.  They go about their duties.  Apparently the same Doc came in and began.  Again, no conversation with me.  I ask questions, I am ignored.  I can tell they successfully place another chest cath.  It was painful as she developed a new tunnel.  Even with the pain meds I am still aware. 

Afterwards they take me straight to dialysis on the 6th floor.  I see familiar faces but am embarrassed by my tears and obvious unhappiness.  The nurses are kind and caring.  While getting settled in I am approached my a man in his late 20's early 30's.  He appeared to be of Eastern Indian descent and spoke with a thick accent.  I have never seen him or met him before.  He approaches me as I am trying to wipe away tears.  I am in pain due to the procedure.  I am emotionally overwhelmed.  I feel desperately alone surrounded by many.  He stands by the side of my bed and says "You must learn to be thankful and have gratitude in your heart."  I am now not only shocked but devastated.  He knows nothing of me, nothing of my character, my history or even of occurrences of the day.  I want to scream.  I want to curse at him.  I want to tell him to get out, away from me.  I try to calm myself as he continues with his lecture about relying on faith and God and having thankfulness.  I put my hand up and tell him please leave, just leave me be right now.  He makes one more comment and walks out.  I drift in and out of sleep.  The nurses are especially careful and tender with my new cath.  They understand it hurts. 

I am back to my room, again alone and lonely.  I will go home tomorrow.  The coordinators arrange for me to give myself 2 weeks of additional IV antibiotics through my new cath.  We've done this before so it will work out fine.  The important thing is I am going home.  Home.  Home to the knowing loving arms and hands of my love.  Home to cats and dogs that are family.  Dogs who mourne my absence.  They will surround me with wagging tails and whines and snuggles and jumps on the lap.  And home to my sweety.  He will surround me.  He will comfort me.  He will be my haven for a few short moments while I fall to the depths and come back again.  He will say nothing.  I won't need him to talk.  I only need his mercifully accepting embrace.  I will be fine.  I will move on.  I will overcome this.  I will rise up and overcome this.

Blessings